Mother Nature’s Gift…to the Cullens
by MusicalMangaHeartbeats
Summary: The girls are out hunting and Carlisle is at work, leaving a full-grown Nessie at home with her dim-wit uncles and dad. what happens when Nessie starts her time of the month with houseful of ignorant male vamps? NO OOC! All vamps Rated T for mild cussing.
1. Oh Crap

**OMG! this is soo awesome!!! My first fanfic! NO NO NO! DON'T CLICK OFF IT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!.....thank you *smile***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Jazz(SOB!), Nessie, Emmett, Edward(CRY!!), Tylenol, or Halo 3......**

**ENJOY!!!!**

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_Mother Nature's Gift…to the Cullens_

**Renesmee's POV**

I never thought I could ever be so bored.

I sat on the love seat, bored to tears, my head dangling at the far edge, as I felt the blood rush to the top. I never believe a day could be as boring as it was this minute and suppressed the urge to scream from the nothingness.

Mom, Auntie Alice, Auntie Rosalie, and Grandma were all out hunting in some far of place because the animals were good enough here or some crap like that. Grandpa was at the hospital to fill in for some sick human (so he says), leaving me to be the only sane person here for God knows how long. I swear that hospital is like crack or something to Grandpa. I suggested he see Dr. Phil or Oprah or another angel-on-earth to help him but he just laughs like I'm joking!

So here I was, alone with my Uncle Jazz, Uncle Emmett, and Dad.

In other words, everyone as left me in my own personal hell. No, scratch that, being babysat by Uncle Emmett and Auntie Rosalie while they 'celebrated' their wedding anniversary in their bedroom would be my own personal hell (and a good discussion for the shrink I would have to see for that), but this is close enough.

I heard a holler that caught my attention upstairs. I realized it was only my idiot uncles bickering on the second floor so I listened to the argument in slim irritation as my head drowned internally with blood.

"Jazz!" Uncle Emmett shouted, "It's left-left-right, down-up-left-right, damn! For a frickin' 165-year-old vampire with a thousand degrees in psyticolomy, you sure are a dumbass!!"

I heard a sharp crack of something plastic and two solids colliding in a frustrating clamor, "This wasn't even my idea, Emmett! You were the one wanting to play Halo 3 and I was just doing this crap so you wouldn't follow me around saying 'Halo 3?' all day, nonstop! Oh, and while your calling me a dumbass, it's called _psychology_…dumbass!" fumed my Uncle Jasper.

"I'm out, get Edward or Nessie to play," the door slammed loudly, threatening to break, and I heard Uncle Jasper murmur, "Like they'd ever".

I sighed. Jacob wasn't even here to save me from this stupidity. At least when he's here I not so mind-numbingly bored; he always knows what to do. I even felt urge too cry and I stifled a sniffle. Talk about bored to tears.

Then, like on cue, I heard my father's low, velvety chuckle. Stupid mind reader. My eyes tightened into a strong glare; can he read I really wanted to be alone right now? But this was my dad we're talking about; he's even overprotective of _me_ hurting _myself_.

"Testy today, are we?" Daddy asked as he appeared out of nowhere and stood above my dangling head with a smirk dancing on his face.

I _really_ hate when he reads me. If I want you to know something, I could touch you, damn!

I lifted my head up as I, to my surprise, rolled my eyes as the smirk grew wider on my dad's face. This was all strange; my dad usually keeps me calm, but now I saw him as annoying as Uncle Emmett. That reminds me…

"No," Daddy and I said simultaneously. I heard a disappointed, "aww" from Uncle Emmett upstairs.

My dad chuckled again. "As annoying as Uncle Emmett?" He replied to my unspoken rant as he sauntered to sit next to me, "They left you in your personal hell, you say? You're the only sane person here for God knows how long?" He chuckled once more. He enjoyed this _way_ too much.

"Whatever," I mumbled, my cheeks heated up and I grimaced. I have definitely proved I have lived up to my Mom's old human blushing record, something Uncle Emmett really enjoys.

I cringed slightly to the annoying pangs in my lower abdomen I've been feeling lately but otherwise I ignored it.

"Dad," I asked with an innocent tone, switching the subject, "Can you pass my phone to me, pllleeeeeease? I need Jacob." I puppy-dog pouted to him, the most adorable one I could make. That would get him to stop talking about my rather embarrassing tirade, and having Jacob here wouldn't hurt either. I could already smell the forest musk radiating from his fiery chest…

My dad cleared his throat loudly. He heard my intentions. And the Jacob fantasy, too.

While an eyebrow rose he looked at me incredulously, "You can run at the rate of a speeding car, yet you can't get a simple phone from across a room?" he laughed quite loudly, but dropped the phone he had so quickly grabbed from across the room it my hand, "If you didn't want to talk, you could had simply said so," he whispered to me and with a kiss and a grin, he was gone.

"I did!" I yelled to nothing. God, like I have said, I_ really_ hate when he reads me.

As I began to search for Jacob's number (I hate typing the damn thing when it's already programmed to my cell), the pang in my lower stomach started up. _Man, I need some Tylenol or something_, I thought.

But as I thought this, the hurt got worse and worse until I dropped the phone from the pain. My hands fell to my stomach and a wretched groan escaped my lips.

Uncle Jazz, Uncle Emmett, and Daddy were already at my side and, of course, my dad was the most worried.

"Nessie, what's wrong," Daddy asked me urgently.

At first my answer was a moan but it broke into the shambled words, "My stomach. It huuuuuurrrrrrrrtttttttsssss!!!!!"

"Did you eat that human food? That probably it! How the hell are we supposed to know when it goes bad!? It just for the mu—Jacob!" Uncle Emmett tried to explain. I heard none of his ramblings.

"Maybe…Jacob and Nessie…you know…" implied Uncle Jasper nervously.

"No!" Daddy and I said together, jumping abruptly from our places. The pain stabbed me and I fell back breathless with a terrible moan.

Daddy stayed up and growled at Uncle Jasper for a moment, then went back to the matter at hand, "Maybe we should call Carlisle…" he looked down at me with pain in his eyes.

The pain got even worse until I shrieked from the inner torture. I felt the ultimate panic as nobody knew what to do. Then, like pain had triggered something dormant, a release came from below, and we all smelled the unforgettable smell of blood in the room.

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**the real funniness comes in later chaps, this is like an intro so it may suck to you!**

**OK. since i suffer for very bad self esteem (sniff,sniff) and i think everything i write sucks, i am giving you a mission:**

**i will write a chapter every week IF you review to encourage me to go on....if you fail to say you like it you can say BYE BYE to my faithful updates!!! or the story all together! dont worry... even ppl without accounts can leave something!!**

**soo... is it Awesome...sucks butt...I won't know if you don't reveiw!!!**

**(P.s...i can take flames...i got a fire extiguisher!! hee hee!)**


	2. Payback!

**OMC!!!! (have you seen i usually start chapters with 'OMG!' or 'OMC!'...just saying...) 12 REVIEWS!!!!!!!! i didn't know you all liked it so much!...... U PPL LIKE ME? U REALLY LIKE ME?? lol**

**ANYWHO, u guys made me soo happy, i wrote this chapter the day after i published this story!! so u guys have been waiting 4 nothing! sorry for the wait! hee hee**

**this probably won't live up 2 ur hype but... ON WE GO!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Cullens (sob! again!), Chanel, Gucci, blood crotches, payback, or chick territory... but i do own bella and edward's rage!!!!!**

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Edward's POV

The entire room was silent as we inhaled the impossible smell of blood. Even everyone's thoughts where soundless in this unbelievable second of time.

"No way," Emmett breathed. That set all hell loose.

Without a thought, without having to hear the sickening need in his head, I lunged plowed into Jasper across the couch. We hit the wall, smashing an enormous hole into the same spot Esme fixed two days ago when I had punched Emmett into it for singing 'Gives You Hell' by All-American Rejects in my face all day. We're in trouble.

"Edward," Jasper yelled, "Get off! I'm fine! I won't hurt her!" I stared deep into his butterscotch eyes to see the truth; I still knew hidden within was lust for her blood.

I glared at him and a rather feral snarl ripped through my chest, no way in _hell_ was I going to chance his control with _Nessie_, "Get out," I asked him, and almost pleaded for him to do it.

Jasper looked irritated as he set a calm upon me, "I could if you got off of me," he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

I realized I was still on top of him from when we collided. I was a little embarrassed as I darted behind Nessie's couch again because the image _had_ to look pretty gay.

Jasper darted outside, but not before I heard him mutter, "Paranoid".

I turned back to the problem. Nessie was in a tight ball, sobbing very hard, as she pleaded for any type of help, mentally and verbally. I was panicking. I have never had to deal this ever in my entire 107 years, so what the hell was I was supposed to do? I faintly remember skimming through magazines and flipping through television channels and seeing those contraptions—tampons?—that girls use to...stop the flow, but I had no idea how to exactly use it orget it.

As I continue to try to think of a solution, my thoughts were constantly interrupted by Emmett's growing panic.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…" Emmett repeated in increasing tempo.

A irritated rage festered now as he got louder and faster in his terror. My hand trembled, my teeth clenched and then he finally broke my dam, and I burst.

"My God, Emmett! Be a man for Christ's sake!!" I yelled at him, grabbing the front of his shirt with trembling fists, "Have you lost your dignity? Your manhood? You're going to let a simple bleed in the crouch get to you!? God! Pull yourself together! I know you weren't born with aspiration to be a military man like Jasper and I, but I need you to be a soldier in this war…sort of! I need you now to help me stop this!"

Emmett looked at me in disbelief, "I am being a man! This is all a _real_ man can do! How the hell are we to fight this, Edward!? This is _not our territory_, man! This is chick territory. Frilly, sleepover, 'omigod!' CHICK TERRITORY! Not us, dude. When dudes step in chick territory, we lose. Always. The only dudes that can step in chick stuff and not lose are _gay_…or God. And I am _definitely not_ _gay_...or God. That life, just life; the cruel balance of the world! And you know what: I like to keep that cruel balance that way it is! The one were I don't mess with bloody crotches! I. am. _out_!" Emmett darted from my grip and I heard the discreet click of the basement door locking.

I was all alone. Nessie still lay sobbing, then she lifted her head and I saw the extent that the period had done to her.

I gasped, couldn't stop myself from doing so. "My God," I whispered.

From the crouch of her Chanel jeans to the crease of the back of her knees, the blood had seeped itself into the very fibers of her pants. The smell of her blood was intense.

"Please," Nessie begged in a small voice, "Help…me,"

Without taking my eyes off of Nessie, I took out my cell phone and speed-dialed Bella.

"Don't worry," I assured her. "It's coming."

**Alice's POV**

This, by far, was the funniest day of my life!

I let my laughter unleash as I saw my plan complete: Edward was at home, scared as hell, calling Bella for some aid on Nessie first time of the month! Emmett and Jazz are gone, leaving Edward the most stressed man alive…err…existing right now! Payback is a bitch!

Esme, Rosalie, and Bella stopped hunting and stared at me like I should go back to that asylum I was at when human, and I struggled to explain myself.

"I…I…" I couldn't stop laughing, so I skipped to the point, "Bella…just give me your phone when it rings…please!"

Bella's eyes narrowed, "What did you do?"

I took and unnecessary deep breath. "You will see," I answered ominously.

Her phone rang and, as quick as lightning, she looked at the Caller ID. A snarl escaped her lips.

"What did you do to Edward?" She growled.

"Nothing much, now let me see the damn phone!" I raised my voice.

She debated for a millisecond, and then she tossed the phone to me. She growled again, then mumbled, "Better not had hurt him,"

I ignored the threat. "Hello?" I answered innocently. I was gonna milk this for all it's worth.

"Alice," Edward hesitated, but then went on, "Give the phone to Bella,"

"But, why oh why, Eddie-man—" I loved this "—is there a…problem?" I smiled evilly on the other line, but I knew he could here it on my face.

"Alice, there is no time for you to play with me, we have a problem and you know it!" Edward yelled.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Esme asked softly as she heard Edward on the other line.

"I swear Alice, tell me what wrong with Edward or I'm going to beat the crap out of you!" Bella threatened loudly.

I rolled my eyes and turned my back to her. As if she'd do something.

Edward heard Bella in the background. "Alice, I hear Bella…please…" he pleaded. This was getting fun, and Bella was not going to ruin it!

"NO! Cuz' you know why?" I let him have it. "PAYBACK IS A BITCH, THAT WHY! Your right, I knew all of this was going to happen. I knew _weeks_ ago! I was gonna tell you too but when I got out of the shower with orange hair because Jacob switched my Pantene Pro-V with tomato juice I thought, '_Hell_, if Edward couldn't warn me I was gonna look like Pippi Longstockings for _two weeks_, then why should I tell him about Nessie?'"

"I was going to—" Edward interjected, but I stopped him.

"NO! You were the first to laugh when you saw the image in you mind!" my voice was ringing two octaves higher but I caught my heightening voice and went on with my rant, "That is why, Edward, I never told you and why you'll be stuck this problem _yourself _for two weeks. Yep, you didn't hear wrong my brother, I'm keeping all the girls away from _you_ for _two whole weeks_! Bella won't help you, Carlisle will be just as confused as you are, and you and the others will get what you fully deserve. And at that note, goodbye Edward, and have fun with Nessie's period!" I sang the end part and giggled as a loud "WHAT!" came from the other girls.

I was surprised I didn't see the next thing that hit me coming. It a split move and a split decision.

I was suddenly in the air, hanging a few inches from the ground by the collar of my Gucci sweater. I was in Bella's death grip; her eyes were black pools of death that pierced my now fearful soul. The cell phone was a smashed heap of wires on the ground.

"Alice" she said in voice that resembled the very voice of Satan, "_What_ did you say?"

I couldn't believe myself. My lips quivered as I stared into Bella's infuriated face that might be similar to if the ominous calm before a storm were human…or vampire I should say. The answer I could conjure up from my trembling voice was a weak, " N-Nessie h-had her p-period?"

Hatred dripped from every syllable of her voice, "Explain."

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**Ooooo Alice is in sum deep sh-**

**ANYWAY! reveiw! u have made me soo fuzzy inside i am not that dependant on yall tellin me its awesome anymore! i'll still write (yaaaayyyy!!!!!)! but still do it ...its good for tha soul (scientifically proven!)**

**BYE! REVEIW!**


	3. Author's Note

**Hello my beautiful addicts!!!! I know you were expecting an update to my rather interesting story (sorry!) but I need your help…and no it has nothing to do with my self-esteem!**

**For the next chaps the Cullen boys will have to do some……shall I say, **_**shopping**_** for Nessie, meaning embarrassing interactions for our lovable vamps! If you want to be in these next side-splitting (I know…could have picked a better adjective) chapters send me this in your next review! DON'T WORRY! You can lie…**

**Name (you can make up one…I'll understand…)**

**Appearance (again you can make this up too…)**

**Personality (now don't be paranoid! No one can find you by your **_**personality**_**! Please give me your own so I can make you uniquely funny!)**

**Before you say **_**anything**_**, I am **_**not**_**, repeating, **_**not**_ **a molester!! My mom worked for missing children's unit at my county, for Carlisle's sake!!!! I need these so you feel **_**you **_**are in the story, like you can **_**see **_**yourself with Edward…or Jasper… or Emmett……am I luring you in???**

**Oh, and also......there is a poll on my page that if this story shall go on..you NEED to take! i need u to tell me who _you_ want to have to take embarrassing trip for tampons!!! Edward, Jazz, and Emmett are the choices (sorry Carlisle!) and the person with the less votes have to burn in the fiery hell called babysitting a PMSing Nessie!!!!!!!! So who will it be???? You choose! (Oh, and the 2 you do choose are the ones you readers who apply will bump into!!!! Huzzah!!)**

**Soo review, poll it up and tell me!! I can't write the next chaps with out you!!! (Seriously, I can't…seriously)**

**LUV U ALL!!!!**

**I-tAUght-BeLLa-THosE-tRICks95**

**(P.S: It's Christmas Break so don't freakin expect my to update on CHRISTMAS!!!!)**


	4. Wrath of a Mother

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**NEW YEAR = NEW CHAPTER YAY!!!**

**K this is NOT an awasomical chap like you expect... its like fluff kinda...AND IT ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! i NEED you all to......... _1:_ go to my page _2:_ VOTE ON MY DARN POLL! without you ppl voting i can't do the next chap and it STOPS...the whole story...all of it...yeh so VOTE! **

**ON WE TRAVEL!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Cullen gals (cry...) Pantene Pro-V, carrots, pee in jeans, American Rejects, or female lingerie...**

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**Esme's POV**

This was most definitely a first in my book. My spine shook with cold tremors of fear as I believed I was witnessing the last minutes of my dear Alice's life. But the reason to why I was shaking was not that poor Alice was going to die — quite frankly sometimes she deserved to (and almost was) but Jasper was _always_ there — it was to whom her life was being taken from that shook my core and made this a first.

I'm not saying that my dear Bella never presented she could be this frightening as she was now while holding Alice in her raging grip, we just never paid _attention_ enough to see past the frail human body she was once imprisoned in to notice her as anything that _could _be frightening. As I stared at the scene ahead of me — Alice's quivering voice weakly explaining Nessie's…problem and Bella's bloodthirsty (no pun intended) eyes yearning for what could only be Alice's death — I faintly remember the redden face of a wrath-filled, embarrassed human Bella of the not so distant past. Yes, we just never attention.

I was brought back to reality with my own shriek as Bella threw Alice on a nearby tree, cracking the immense trunk with her fists still wrapped tightly around Alice's sweater. I felt Rose's tender hand on my shoulder and I curled into her comforting hug with yet another whimper.

God, I hated when my children fight. No…Bella wasn't fighting Alice the same way; not like my boys' foolish and destructive quarrels over little things like one's annoyance over an American Reject song or changing one's clothes with female lingerie, she was looking for blood…metaphorically speaking.

"WHY THE _HELL_ DID YOU _NOT _TELL ME!?!?!?" screamed Bella with loud yet beautiful shrillness. Her voice was the very gates of hell opening, her face a stunning and deranged demon, which shrank me deeper into Rosalie's reassuring arms.

We all were aware she was too loud, but who in their right mind would tell her?

Alice answered her furious question with a voice that was barely audible even to our ultra sensitive ears…

"Jacob switched my Pantene Pro-V?" she smiled and chuckled weakly as if that made it all better.

An ominous quiet settled around all of us, but we could practically feel the rumbling of wrathful thunder emitting from Bella calm face and still body. Nobody dared to breathe — like we needed it. I whimpered as I saw Alice wince and prepare to die.

But instead of seeing pale chunks of my beloved Alice around the forest floor as I expected, Bella dropped her.

What the hell? Wait…what was _I _saying? This is good…kind of!!

…And shocking.

We all gawked in surprise — even little Alice who _should _be kissing the ground she was once about to be scattered on — at a silent and seething Bella. I wondered for a moment if she was merely trying to get a better angle to kill Alice and I began to wish this wasn't so. God, help my children.

Surprisingly, Bella didn't lunge or even snarl at the vulnerable and quite guilty vampire in front of her.

"Take. Us. Back." Bella replied in a dead tone, her eyes were a flat night black and her expression was smooth as polished marble.

In other words, she was the spinning image of an annoyed, enraged, or disappointed Edward. Aww! A couple who looks annoyed, enraged, or disappointed together, scares the hell out of everyone else…oh, and stays together!

But that was beside the point.

Despite everything, despite looking death in the deadly black eyes, Alice hopped lithely up and sucked in a shocked gasp.

"To hell I will! I _need_ this revenge, Bella!" Alice shrieked foolishly her, "I had _orange hair_ for _two goddamn weeks_ and your little _boy toy_ couldn't open his know-it-all mouth and just 'Hey Alice, I love and appreciate you for everything you do so to prevent you from looking like a god forsaken carrot and save you from blackmail and a two-week fashion catastrophe, don't use your shampoo and kick Jacob's ass.'"

I had to admit the Edward impression Alice made was head-on — she even looked like she had a stick up her ass (I love my dear son, but he _is_ uptight at times...) — and it had Rosalie and I stifling a giggle without much avail.

But the next thing that happened stopped all giggling.

Bella shot like lightning and slammed Alice to another tree, causing a crack to pierce the forest air.

"I DON'T _CARE_ ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!!! I WANT TO HELP MY GODDAMN BABY!!!!!" she shrieked louder than before and causing what felt like my dead heart to restart for a second. A wail echoed in the woods and I realized with embarrassment that it was mine.

If Alice looked terrified before, she would have peed in her jeans with how she looked now. Her voice was a quivering quiet compared to the racket we made.

"There's just…one thing," she smiled meekly.

"What Alice?" Bella seethed with a deadly voice.

"We're in Massachusetts," she smiled bigger and laughed with a nervous face.

"WHAT?!?"

God, help my children.

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**I swear that Alice....man, one day...just one day...**

**ANYWHO!!!**** Christmas Report: I GOT THE _TWILIGHT SOUNDTRACK_ AND THE _Wii..._sorry to brag... ((****(p.s. on the Wii i made all the CULLENS (nessie, bella, and all!!!) on the Mii part!!! im dedicated!! my parents think im weird...)))**

**REVIEW MY CHILD...ew wait..i dont own u!!**

**Still reveiw...the doctor say to do it 3 times a day to keep my FIST away!!!!!!!!!**

**BYE TIS WE MEET AGAIN!!!**


	5. Welcome to Chick Territory

**WHEW!!! finally finished!!! i promise to Carlisle this was the longest span i won't update (i currently breaking the rules for you guys...im grounded)**

**this chap is and is not my fav... since u all were impatient i rushed so it may seem kinda jumpy to ua (mayb not...) and i was kinda PMSing myself when i wrote this so...FORGIVE ME!! it my fav tho cuz this the LONGEST CHAPTER YET!!!! there's a lot of funnies...**

**((P.s: YOU LEARN WHO WON THE POLL!!!! YAY!!!!))**

**anyway... INTO TWILIIIIIIIGHT!!!!! (a song on the soundtrack...)**

**Disclaimer: i don't own Cullen boys (cuts herself wit sadness), chick territoy again, and halo 3 again....and sum other stuff!!! stop making me feel homeless!!!!!**

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Edward's POV

A deafening 'WHAT!?!' resounded in the receiver of my cell. Question whirled profusely in my mind as I heard that one exclamation. What was happening there? Was Bella in trouble? Did Alice hurt her? I was surely going to wring Alice's thin neck this time, Jasper or not.

"Alice, what hap—"

This was all that I could utter before I heard a clatter and then a complete cut-off as I presumed the phone had been destroyed by someone.

A deep adrenaline flooded my empty veins as a new concern—the concern of my Bella (although I'm not sure why…but I was sure it meant nothing good)—consumed my thoughts.

This was too much for me. A nagging thought rang silently within my mind, threatening to appear. The pressure of everything smashed on my marble shoulders. The same nagging thought rang louder and louder until I realized too late that this was not a nagging thought. No, it was much worse…

It was madness.

My unnecessary breath picked up in tempo and I felt as if I was on the impossible verge of a heart attack. What in the _hell _is _happening_ there? I knew _way_ too little for my own good.

Damn the distance between me and that infuriating psychic. I was _really_ wringing that skinny neck now. Too many questions, worries and possible murder attempts I might try behind a certain pixie's watchful husband's back circled my thoughts and I began to feel overwhelmed by my own rage and lunacy.

Maybe that's why I didn't hear the thoughts or approach or even the calming waves of the chief man I tried so desperately to keep away from Nessie loom from behind…

"Edward…" the bass voice rumbled soft and concerned behind me.

I lunged so fast I surprised even myself, but amazingly Jasper dodged to the left just fast enough to evade my frantic attack. As I landed in a crouch, I felt the last surviving strands of my sanity unravel faster than before. Emmett was right; this _is _chick territory, a land where _all _men fail, and as a man I never should have entered it. I'm not God…and definitely not gay.

Jasper stared at me incredulously; his eyes bored into mine and for a second I thought I saw his realization as he witnessed my madness.

"Edward! What the hell is _wrong with you_! You're going crazy and _seriously _messing me up!" Jasper exclaimed with exasperation but stopped and became weary in his voice, "You said it before…it just a bleed…_please_ get a hold of your sanity because I already have too much emotion with—_Oh my Lord_!!!!!"

I jumped to normal stance as I saw Jasper's horrified face staring at the obscured Nessie on the couch. I forgot all insanity as a new problem made is unnecessary entrance to my now frenzied existence. I repressed a groan at the realization of what my existence really had become. A frenzy.

Jasper didn't help with my lack of knowledge about Nessie's _new_ problem either; his thoughts were inaudible except for his shock and profuse prayers to God.

As I darted his side I realized that during all this madness, I almost forgot about my daughter as her moans and sobs became blended to the background. But at that moment, had realized how foolish I was to overlook her broken calls for help. My breaths choked inside my throat as I peeked over the couch and cursed in appall and utter disgust at the worsened scene.

The period that once saturated the edges now drenched every inch of the upper thigh in her jeans. The blood was so abundant that it was now in excess; drops of deep burgundy dripping on the snow white sofa and seeped into the fibers.

The worse piece of this horrendous picture was not the blood—which, by the way, saturated every particle in the air (how did I not _smell_ that?)—it was the broken face of my beloved daughter that shattered my dead heart.

Nessie's face was red and puffy from the harsh sobs. Smears of crimson painted the pale cheeks of my little girl and her features behind the bloody residue were dead and cold.

But still, even though I felt the undeniable deathlike absence from her bloody body, as she took in our dismayed faces, I swore her eyes deepened to a pitch black…much like mine when infuriated…

Unfortunately—according to her explicit thoughts—I was right.

I backed from the sofa slowly, unintentionally leaving Jasper in the line of fire.

"CAN YOU _STOP _YOUR BITCHING AND WHINING AND _HELP ME OUT_?!?!?!"

Nessie's trilling screech blasted directly into Jasper's face, and then suddenly broke into her usual sobs.

I restrained laughter but I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips. I won't lie; that was _pretty_ funny. I probably should have cautioned him about Nessie's angry outburst but Jasper should have felt the PMS waves crashing on him so…it not that much my fault. But I _did_ feel guilty nonetheless and I knew that my lack of warning would cause payback to ensue.

Jasper was unmoving for a moment and then—like one of those old horror movies—his head slowly turned to reveal a seething and stoic expression as he felt my amusement to his shock and pain.

_I am going to kill you._

"You can do that later," I replied to his unspoken promise, "but first, Nessie."

I used the only temporary solution I could at the moment to save Esme's soiled couch from further damage. What _weren't_ we getting in trouble for today by the way?

"Nessie," I used a full authoritative voice that halted her bawling for a moment, "go upstairs to the bathroom… and take off your soiled undergarments and…uhh…s-sit on the toilet so that we can figure out what to do."

My voice was an awkward and shaky mess at the end of my order but she gratefully ran to the bathroom and did what was told. Good, at least she put up _that _much of a fight for now. I knew better than to think the obedience would last long, though.

I heard the revolted thoughts of the rather weak hearted man beside me before he voiced his alarm.

"Holy!—"

"Jasper!" I snapped, "Hold you're breath and get that sofa out!"

Surprisingly, he didn't object. Jasper grabbed the back of the snow white sofa—careful to avoid touching the two deep maroon cushions filled with Nessie's blood and eyes closed, of course—and with ease dashed out the back door.

Good, this was all going smoothly…for now. Just _one_ problem lingered in the air (excluding the fact Renesemee was peeing a bloody mess upstairs) and as I allowed all my frustrations to flood my still body, I smirked a delighted smile that tingled with oncoming fury.

"Emmett McCarthy Cullen," I threatened him in a quiet, polite tone that made the menace stronger in my promise, "get your whiny ass from that basement in the next count of three or Rose will have to kill me for what I do to you,"

But still, although I was deadly serious, I heard the mocking and disbelieving thoughts of the thick headed vampire in the cellar blare in my head.

_Yeah Edward, like _you_ could do something to _me_!!! You're not a newborn anymore, haven't been for…um…some decades! Like that would affect the obvious outcome…_

I laughed simultaneously with Emmett and as if he had read _my_ mind, I felt Jazz's hand restrain me on my shoulder. At least he knew how serious I was. I began my countdown.

"1..."

"Come on Edward," he advised me, "Don't _kill_ him."

I ignored him. "2…"

"Come on, just think how unhappy Rose would be if you did."

I turned slowly in disbelieve to look at him. "Really Jasper? When has she worry of _my_ feelings ever…really I'm asking you this."

This set him back. I heard the deep ponder as the wheels of his brain turned to find a day, any day, which Rosalie worried of my well being. I felt the forfeit of his efforts ring within my head.

His hand dropped from his shoulder and his reply was simple.

"Yeah, let's kill him."

Unfortunately, the coward then came out of his den.

"Ok, Ok, I'm up here, don't have an orgy," Emmett muttered as our head whipped around to see his hands playfully held up as if he was surrendering, then he muttered, "Not that I was like scared or anything, so don't get all cocky…"

"So were," Jasper laughed, arms folded.

I could also hear the very faint fear he had as he came and pushed Jazz's head to the side with a sarcastic laugh. I grinned but got to the matter at hand.

"Ok, now we have our missing member back," — I flashed a mocking leer at Emmett to whom he flashed one back…and a certain part of the hand—"Anyway,"—I flashed a part of my hand directly back—"we have a problem."

"No dip, Sherlock," Jasper slapped Emmett hard on the back of the head and he mumbled a cheerless "ow".

Jazz and I both rolled our eyes.

I ignored my favorite brother and went on. "Nessie's bleeding _terribly_, Bella is currently unavailable, and we have no experience in this whatsoever in this."

I felt the shadow of a grin on my lips.

Power flooded my once adrenaline-filled veins as I listed our dilemmas and instinctively I began to pace to and fro with my arms behind my back like a military general. This was invigorating; I was the army man I always wanted to be…just not in the type of battle I was expecting. Still, I was milking this for all it was worth.

I saw and heard the army mentality seep into Jazz's mind too as he stood in motionless salute. Emmett's mind was as usual; Halo 3 chimed like a bothersome bell as he wondered profusely why he was here.

"So what should we do _commando_?" Emmett lazily drawled with sarcasm thick on his tongue.

I had intended to come back with a sneering comment myself but the answer choked in my throat. What _do _we do? I was surprised that I couldn't answer this. I had no experience in this (thank God…), the girls can't help me (did I already say I was killing Alice?), and there were no cousins or siblings of my mortal life to aid with _some_ knowledge in—

Wait…_I_ didn't have somebody of my human life to aid in my knowledge, but a certain 165 year old honey blond vampire right in front of me _does_…or did…

"Jasper," I said, snapping him from an army-like reverie, "you been through this haven't you? You know…you had sisters…long ago?"

"Yeah…" he stared at me dubiously, not understanding, but suddenly he did, "Oh no Edward! You expect me to…_recall_ that from my mind!" He shuddered vigorously and flash of images I didn't want to see played within me, "Those were the _first_ memories I tried to drive out my mind when I became a vampire! My sisters at that time were worse than _any_ newborn I have faced…"

"Whoa! I thought you said it was just a bleed!" Emmett laughed loudly, "And you're supposed to be such a _soldier_!! If General Lee could see you now…"

He sighed then burst into a fit of more laughter, all to which hardened Jasper's annoyed and irate face.

"Do you hear that?" Emmett continued as he cupped his right ear to the air as if he was listening intently to something, "I think that's the infamous call of the emo hypocrite! Ah!"

I knew I was going to happen, so was it wrong for me not to tell him?

A white fist slammed into Emmett's chortling face and the brawny vampire flew into the wall adjacent to the hole we had made earlier. _Great_, now there are _two_ holes in the wall…and _another_ reason to which Esme will roast us. Jasper heaved large inhalations of air as his face calmed from livid to content and his arm clenched and unclenched with pleasure.

A smile spread delightfully on his face. "God, he needed that," he muttered, delighted.

"But with the trouble we're currently swimming in, we didn't," I replied, "But it _was_ pretty funny."

We both felt the intense hatred that seeped in hard waves from the manmade — or vampire made I should say? — hole in the wall.

"Emmett, we have no time!" I snapped. Nessie _was_ still bleeding upstairs!

He was in my face so fast it wasn't a movement. "That is _so _unfair! When did _Jazz_ get to be your favorite brother! You know, I am officially allowed to at least give him a bitch slap for the insult he gave to _this_ face"— he pointed as if it was obvious his face; at times, I wondered myself if Jasper was becoming my favorite —"so your not liable to—"

Jasper snatched his ear and sent trails of monotone "ow"s to fly from Emmett's lips. They both returned to the spot where the couch had been and waited for my command. Well, Jazz did.

"Ok," I started again, "We are going to have to make trips. These trips won't be our favorite but obviously we don't have the…equipment to handle Nessie's problem at this moment."

I heaved a large gust of breath and got to the point. "We need tampons. Jasper, you're coming to the market with me to make the purchase since you _roughly_ know what we're dealing with." Jasper nodded, but of course, Emmett was _Emmett_.

"See there! Favoritism! Why am _I_ stuck here with Nessie the PMBeast while Jazz gets too—" Jasper's hand flew to his mouth in a blur and dared Emmett to object.

Jazz sighed. "_Anything_ to stop this bitching and whining...I'll stay here and watch Nessie while you get Em out. Anyway, you did say I know the most…might as well use my knowledge in a more useful place than for a contraption that wasn't even invented at my time…"

Emmett mumbled an illegible sentence under Jasper's hand and Jazz moved it. "Any_way_"— he glared at Jazz —"I suggest I do nothing. I'm already smart in warning you about chick territory and I'm still not God or gay so I motion us all call Carlisle and go downstairs to play Halo 3!"

He beamed and began nodding with eager eyes, trying to persuade us. It was only silent for a moment.

"Emmett, get the keys," I ordered, my answer was a soft "aww" and obedience, "Jasper, answer to Nessie's _every_ whim and try to make her as comfortable as she can be."

He nodded and jetted to the bathroom door.

"Oh, and men?"

They ran back to their places; Emmett tense with annoyance and Jasper nervous with confusion. They looked pitiful no doubt, but still, as I stared at their expectant faces I felt the glimmer of pride as I realized I kind of got what I thought I had lost with immortality. I had an army.

I beamed a confident smile.

"Welcome to chick territory."

* * *

**OK before you hit the button to send sum hate mail lets get sumthing straight...EDWARD, JASPER AND ALL THE BOYS ARE VIOLENT!!! i swear in midnight sun (twilight in edward POV...remember!?!) edward did threat alice like that! verbatum!!! read it yourself...**

**ANYWAY....luv it, hate it....CAN'T HEAR U REVIEW!!!!**

**um...yeh i gotta get off now...your SO gonna get me in trouble!!**

**peace 4 now!!!**


	6. AN that you MUST read!

**Hey my freakin loyal people!! Okay, so so so so so so SO sorry for waiting…um…a lot of time (I'm not stupid! I just hate math!) to update! You probably want to kill me now for this being an author's note instead of a chapter but just read this! Here is my list of excuses:**

**My mom broke our computer. **

**OK I know, I know. You may be wondering to yourself "How the heck are you writing us now!! YOU LIAR!!!" Well first, before you point fingers, I'm using my granny's much slower and retard computer, a computer I would **_**never**_** use to write the next chapy. This computer should be burned and I'm currently screaming at it every minute. You may also be wondering "How the heck did your mom break the **_**computer**_**?!?!?" Well long story short, she stepped on an important chippy thingy majigger (yeah you now know why it **_**stays**_** broken) that…well broke it. For some happiness, it will be fixed shortly. **

**I have some life. **

**This may not be a **_**good **_**excuse but an excuse nonetheless! I am not a robot that boots up to make you laugh and occasionally crap your pants; I am a thirteen year old girl that is about gradate from middle school, thus I have grades and exams to keep up. I also am a **_**stressed**_** thirteen year old girl since I take high school level classes (algebra..) thus I have homework. I'm also lazy so this sets the story back to…**

**I have succumbed to Harry Potter.**

**Alas…Harry Potter has gotten me. I started off saying I would die before touching that book and that it was full a fagotty gay wizards that should suck it but now I have all the but one of the movies on my DVR (talk about turning a new leaf)! I've been **_**so **_**wrong! I finished the sixth book yesterday and….I shan't comment of the sadness within (see! Ima freakin Potterhead!)! I again know what your thinking and for the alarming amount of profanity I won't write it but before you string me to a pike to burn I'm not saying this affects my Twilight, not at all, just my views of the awesome scarred wizard. I still love Edward, Jasper, and Emmett and pray for a smexy vamp to bite me and make me awesome and smexy too so nothing has changed (I only now wish I could be a wizard that totally snogged Harry at Hogwarts too…)! (P.S. People should read Harry Potter, it's so good and to be frank….the Weasley twins (people who read the books know) are funnier than Emmett…sorry!)**

**I'm traveling to Jamaica.**

**For my Jamaican readers, yes I'm Jamaican…well half and I'm going there for the first time in life in April! My dad's the full Jamacian and one of his five sisters (Jamaicans are very fertile…) is having a wedding so we were invited, naturally. My family has been getting ready for months thus setting my writing **_**again **_**back. I'm also gonna be in the country too (Christiana, Manchester for the Jamaicans wanting to meet me!) so there will be **_**no **_**Internet! With that deprivation of the Internet, I will be a dead by the next day….**

**And further ado the fifth excuse…....**

**I have no idea what to write for the next chapter.**

**According to my writing schedule I'm supposed to write in the girls' POV next but the slight setback is…I don't know what to write. I have to admit: the story with the girls is shockingly weak and even…OOC (eek!!!); all I know to write is that the girls aren't **_**really**_** in Massachusetts, just roughly around the area. Other than that fact I have nothing. This is where you step in: in your next review give me ideas to do with the girls (go to a remote village, pimp a hobo, anything…) and help my writing juices to come! I might even let you cameo as a thank you if I choose your idea!**

**And those are my excuses!!!!!! If your slow (as I'm aware **_**some**_** of you are…) your asking "What the **_**hell**_** are you talking about?!?!?!" To these people I'm saying: The updates (**_**like Midnight Sun….sniff**_**) has been postponed until these problems have been faced. You can help me: review and give me next chapter ideas!!!! Sorry for depressing you, killing you, and/or pissing you off!**

**TATA FOR NOW….**

**I-tAUght-BeLLa-THosE-tRICks95**

**(And P.S.: I still answer messages and check my e-mail, it's only the Word thingy on this damned computer that's a butthole and makes it a retard…)**


	7. Tampon Herpes?

**I'm baaaaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkkk!**

**HAHA finally!!! All of the excuses I name before are done and fixed and I'M BACK BAYBAY!! Miss me??**

**Lol idk how you'll like this; I'm doing bio homework so I'm tossed backand forth from the story to that! If you see a biology definitions on here, I'm deeply sorry if this happens...**

**Oh! And.....YAY!!!!!! MORE THAN 100 REVIEWS!!!!!! I'm...so...touched...**

**ONWARD TO AWESOMENESS!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Cullen guys or gals (sigh...T-T), Panic Switch by Silversun Pickups, Dollar General, US magazine.....you know!!!!! I just don't anything but the crap I write ok?!?!?!?!?!?? sadness......**

* * *

**Alice's POV**

The girl's moment of shock reverberated throughout the clearing. Bella was in silent shock as her grip held strong on my sweater (which she was ruining by the way!). You would think by now I would be cowering in Bella's grip and awaiting my sure death, but I was too busy for that.

Plus, personally, Bella not that scary. Ok, maybe I'm bluffing. Maybe.

No, I was in the future — as I do — and my entire body rumbled like an earthquake with unheard laughter.

In my vision, I saw my perfectly foolish brother as he cursed loudly at Nessie's mess.

"_Holy mother of God!" he exclaimed, "S&!%" All he could do in this impossible moment was stare…there was nothing anyone could do…_

At times—preferably now (since I'm in Bella's man grip) —I feel sort of bad that I'm doing this, like there _really_ no reason to make them suffer like this. These types of visions surely jog my memory! Plus the fact that dog bastard ruined my hair and made me the butt of all Emmett's jokes for TWO WEEKS and only got _one_ ass whipping before Jazz told me I might kill him! I _still _don't see the problem if that was the outcome…

I was near smiling now when I remember the face of the enraged vampire in front of me, her face a blank slate yet again; the girls waited for Bella's reaction to my Massachusetts news — or my death, whichever came first. My eyes glazed over as I saw her decision in my mind. My skin felt colder….which is quite impossible might I add.

"Ok, Ok, I don't know _really _where we are…" Oh crap. Part of me told the other part of me the truth was _not _a good thing blurt out right now. That and Bella's enraged demon face starting up again…

I closed my eyes and waited for my end…well my _final_ end. But wait…has God decided to love me again?!?

I slumped from Bella's limp hands and onto the soft snowy ground again. I darted from her and stood at the beaten tree, now on high alert for those god-forsaken quick clutches of hers.

Bella slowly pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger (must I add that she look _exactly like Edward_?! Ha!) and with clinched teeth asked me, "Then where are we, Alice?"

Somewhere between Bella screeching in my face and my life flashing before me I must have had an epiphany (or I became smart again…) because this time, I said nothing. My eyes bored into her coal black ones as I mentally refused to tell her. Good thing, Rosalie _finally_ found her voice...

"Bella, maybe you shouldn't freak out like—"

"Freak out?" Bella squeaked, "Who's freaking out because I'm soooonotfreakingoutbeacausewhywouldIneedtofreakoutwhenI'msoooonotintheneedingtofreakoutmodewhosaidI'mfreakingout?!?!?!?!"

"—that." Rose finished. "Can we all just think of a _rational_ and _calm_ solution to this problem that we have?"

"The problem is that no one seems to see the obvious reason and brilliance of my plan…"

Bella's feral snarl stopped my irritated grumblings fast. Rose opened her mouth to calm her when the faintest bush rustling stopped her too. It started as an inaudible clatter—I doubt if a human was here, they could hear it—and it grew louder and louder and louder until the slight noise became a deafening clamor that stopped the unnecessary breaths in our throats. But the noise was not the only thing that put us on alarm. No, something followed that noise, growing stronger and deeper and the din increased…

It was the smell of a human.

Bella backed away as the bushes in front of us shifted and trembled; Esme slowly formed a sort of barrier between the oncoming human and our sorta new vampire. I didn't need to wonder why at all: Bella may be an excellent newborn, but she wasn't perfect. Plus her eyes were still a muddy mixture of red and gold; they still couldn't quite pass off as a possible eye color for a human.

The vegetation all our eyes were glued finally separated, revealing a short (well, not compared to me but still…) human girl. Her eyes instantly found us and, for a span of minutes that felt like years, bored into ours with silent observation. Finally her lips moved.

"Uhh, are you lost?"

**Edward's POV**

I probably drove slower than I ever have in my vampire life — excluding the times I drove Bella's now 'deceased' truck — and for the first time, my nerves weren't up because of it. So then why were my teeth clenched and my hands gripping the steering wheel with enough power to break a human's bones, you might ask? Emmett sat in the passenger seat— _yes_, now you understand — keeping watch for any signs of a general store in Port Angeles while driving me mad with his _new_ favorite song, Panic Switch by the Silversun Pickups. By the time we arrived to the mildly bustling city, the infuriating song had already played 10 times on full blast.

If I ever meet these Silversun Pickups, I would probably wring their necks for creating this object of my suffering.

"When you see yourself in a crowded roo—hey! I see one!!!"

Without a single thought, I swerved into the parking lot of the small general store at full speed and the second my Volvo was parked, I switched the car off. Of course, that caused a disappointed whine from Emmett.

"_Aww_, it was at my favorite parrrrt!" Emmett groaned.

"Emmett, you heard your part 10 goddamn times. I think you can play it in your head—" I hesitated, thinking of the torture it might bring me, "I think you waited, faded and floated away quite enough today. You'll be fine."

"But one more time can't hurt! Besides, I'd rather wait, fade and float away with Brian Aubert…he's not right in my head…" Emmett pouted, knocking his skull pretty hard with his fist like he was knocking a door.

"Don't worry Emmett, nothing's right in your head." I replied in soothing voice. I slipped out the car as Emmett _finally_ understood and drawled a sarcastic "Oh, ha ha." and observed our destination.

It was a small building; a simple square structure made of discolored tan bricks. A large tarnished yellow sign bordered with a red lining that read _Dollar General_ took up most of the top of the store's roof. It surely wasn't looker, that much can be told, but we weren't for its appearance so I suppose this would do.

"I wonder what Dollar Generalmeans?" Emmett muttered.

"Who cares? As long as there are……those things." I mumbled darkly.

There was a brief silence as we began walking, but as always it didn't last long.

"Why can't you say tampons? Or pads?"

"Why must it matter? You know what I'm talking about."

"But it's morally correct to face your fears and call your monsters by name."

I stopped in my tracks and turned to Emmett. We had just stepped into the Dollar General and an odd mixture of bleach, cheap window cleaner, doll plastic, and — of course — humans created a peculiar odor that struck my nose like a fist. "Morally correct? Face my _fears_? My monsters?"

"Well!" gasped Emmett appalled, "If there's no problem, then say it!"

I bored into Emmett's eyes for a few seconds then sighed. "Shut up, Emmett."

I stepped to the only open counter that was open, a tan girl of about 16 years of age with thick black hair and brown highlights that was tied in a messy ponytail manned the station. She was buried in the latest edition of _Us Weekly_ and, from the sound of her mind, was more interested in the newest Brittany scandal than then being on her post. I softly cleared my throat—just loud enough for a disinterested human to hear—and she casually glanced up at me. Obviously the sight of Emmett and I caused her to do the usual double take and slight jaw drop; the gossip magazine slowly slipped from her fingertips and her stature immediately straightened, but the dazed stare never passed from her features.

"Uhh, ca-can I-I h-help you-you, s-s-sirs?" She stammered.

I glanced at the nametag over her chest that read _Kimani_. "Yes Kimani," she seemed shocked that I knew her name, and then she remembered her nametag. "I was wondering where you can find your…err…lady sanitary items?" My voice was softer and smoother than usual as I tried to be polite.

Her face contorted in a look of pure, dazed confusion. _Ok. This _really_ hot guy is talking to me…but what the hell is he talking _about_? _I sighed as she began to stammer; I suppose I do have a problem with the word…

"What my friend means is do you have any tampons here? Or pads—it doesn't matter." His words were like honey, a seductive chuckle slipping through the sly smile caressing his face. I concealed the urge to chuckle at his obvious flirtation; I had to admit, Emmett was an excellent flirt, but the topic on his lips was not as alluring as the low voice seducing.

Nevertheless, it did the trick. Although her brain practically exploded by then, she was barely able to utter her reply. "Are th-they for _you_, sir?" she whispered, gazing into Emmett's eyes with intense, wide ones.

The small group was dead silent. Kimani flushed to a deep burgundy and began rambling some bizarre form of an apology as every word brought her cheeks to a deeper shade. Emmett was baffled; should he be insulted or laugh that bothersome laugh that makes Emmett Emmett? After almost a minute of poor Kimani's humiliation, I decided to put order in this fiasco of confusion.

"Uhh, can you just show us the tampons?"

"Yes! Yes, sir!" She loped around the counter as fast as one of us vampires and set off just as swift.

As we weaved through the simple maze of aisles I began to realize how rundown this Dollar General was.

I finally understood how Dollar General gets his name…and why the items here were a mere dollar. I could not find one thing in those shabby aisles that would last for an entire month; the clothes were apathetic sham made with a poor excuse for cloth and most of the toys were riddled with holes and tears that were visible even to the human eye. Toxic fluids leaked from secret punctures in the containers within the cleaning department and toilet tissue packs were half open in the bathroom aisle. The store in itself was in poor condition as well: wet spots in the ceiling were in different varieties of brown and bright yellow stained signs were strewn lazily on curiously colored tarnishes on the floor.

What was Emmett thinking?

I shot a sharp glare at him and he chuckled feebly. "Come on, how was I to know!" was his whispered reply.

The people shopping here weren't better. The most unusual of the human population seemed to be congregated here; bums with eccentric beards, crackheads or perhaps people who admire the style, the large and chiefly hairy women, rednecks and possibly KKK members, large ladies from the 'hood'…you name it. For what was in their mind, I refuse to dwell on the sick and scarring things in there.

The only people who appeared to be normal were the innocent mothers hunting for discounts and the poor teenagers who were dragged with them. Some of the children didn't care about being there; they were enjoying the majority of the fellow shoppers too greatly or they're mental iPods were blaring at the maximum to tune out their parental's financial mutters. Still others were pleading to leave — these teens were no doubt the smartest — and were offering a rather convincing speech of how they should leave_ now_.

"U-uhh here it's i-is."

Kimani's hand was extended to miniature shelf of…lady personal items. It was quite pitiful really; they were in small, feeble plastic bags or tiny cardboard boxes that—like everything in this store—had at least one split through it. I heard the barely audible chuckle as Emmett struggled to seize it.

_So this is your result to your big mission, military man?_

With vampire speed, I thumped the curly head of my favorite brother with all the strength my fingers could obtain. His hands flew to his head and burned me with a glare.

_Oh if there wasn't a human here…_

Speaking of our human, she was now staring at Emmett as if he might be one of the mental people shopping here. "Yeahhh…My name's Kimani and I'm at that counter if you need anymore help, boys." And with that, our pink-cheeked aid scuffled back as quickly as she came— head down, of course.

I followed her with my eyes momentarily; I always secretly enjoyed when girls were intimidated rather than thinking they have any chance of enticing us. I saw them as the few young women who actually have a sense of reality. That and it kept them out of harm's way from us…

A tall skinny girl walked into my vacant gaze and my eyes unintentionally met with her blue ones. A fire of blood flooded her cheeks and with a swift movement, she snatched a bag of tampons and sprinted to the nearest cash register. Ugh, according to her mind, she was surely going to notify her friends about _this_.

As I turned back to the aisle of womanwear, I saw my favorite brother had been searching as I went through my brief reverie. Well, if staring at the boxes with a look and clear thoughts of confusion is searching…

"Were not really buying this for Nessie, are we? I think if we truly love her, we won't let her get herpes _this _way."

"She won't get herpes, Emmett." I sighed. Personally, I wasn't that sure about that statement… but pads or tampons can't do that…or can they?

"Edward, logic please: anything that originally three dollars in other stores but is a dollar here isn't really something you want going in that area! And you're supposed to be a _good_ father; do you even _love _her—"

A fat pasty hand snatched a box, snapping Emmett's rant short. A short soccer mom with the face of a pug glared at us with cold eyes. It was exceedingly hard not to roll my eyes at the thoughts rumbling in her mind……

_Bratty pretty boys have such the _nerve_! Now the new turn-on is tampons and pads…they make me sick…_

A gagged on a laugh but swallowed it with a sigh. "Does that mean you want to search somewhere else?"

"Nah! That means I want to buy this for Nessie and let her get tampon herpes!" he sarcastically replied, "Let's go, man." He tried to drag me from the aisle but I snatched away.

"There is nothing wrong with these tampons!" I shouted with vehemence.

Wrong idea.

Every eye turned to me and Emmett, staring in silence with only a few snickers echoing. I even saw little Kimani staring, the same magazine that fell at our appearance slipped from her fingers once more. But it was not the silence that compelled me to my next words; it was the appalled, taunting, and accusing thoughts that made the silence more like a crowded party…

"Yeah, let's go." I said flatly.

We sauntered to the door as the entire store gazed quietly still, Emmett pausing only to smile and say in a poor imitation of an old-timely English man, "Goodbye, Kimani. Thank you for the superb help."

Outside, his mirth that was held for so long boomed into the Port Angeles air. His arm plopped lazily on my shoulder and after a sigh of happiness, he asked, "So bro, where doth our adventures lead us to, nowth?"

"I have no idea…but we can never go _there_ again."

"Oh well… well at least we'll be waiting, fading and floating away when we try to figure out!!!!" He barked a loud 'Woot!' and I chuckled darkly.

"Emmett?" I muttered as we opened the car door and settled in.

"Yeah?"

I turned the car on slowly, savoring his confusion as Debussy blared through the speakers. I back out and a loud 'Pop, POP' pierced our ears for the back tires. I allowed him time to process the event that unfolded while I rode out the small driveway and as I entered the highway, his eyes grew wide and he began sputtering incoherent sentences.

"DUDE!!!!" He bellowed, but my laugh and the peaceful piano ballad clouded it nicely, as well as the profanities following it.

Maybe I'll spare the Silversun Pickups after all.

* * *

**Lol freaking love that song...listen to the song to get those jokes! People who know it was probably laughing real hard.**

**Ok. Before you hit the flames, lemme tell you straight. I HATE DOLLAR GENERAL, NOT PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE OR PEOPLE WHO SHOP THERE! That literally is how the Dollar General near my house looks like! No joke! It was merely my personal opinion and experiences and those teenager are practically lil me's ^-^ haha and at my Dollar General the people _really_ look like that! No freaking joke. I'm always scared when my mom stops there for cheap cards.**

**Now if you see, I did put some requested people in here and when you have actors and actresses in plays there are always.....CREDITS!!!!!!!**

**Here they be lol!**

_Mystery Girl (Alice POV): afo (now beadrobot778)  
__Kimani: indiechica95 (now VintageConspiracy)  
__Embarrassed Blonde: Beckah-lynn_

**More people will be in later chapies! Review to fill the time!!!!**


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